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Sifu and So Faded
Information Sifu, also known as Sifu Guru Dr. Benjamin J. Lawrence, is a martial arts teacher in Indiana. He was trained by both Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. He has achieved enlightenment after working at McDonald's with Jacob's mom. He lived with Jacob's deadbeat father for a couple of years. Jacob and Cory discovered his rap and martial arts videos and collectively pissed their pants laughing. He is also a model and owner of 6 Set Productions with his wife, Gloria. He is a confirmed Satanist. So Faded, also known as Sifu Phil Jones Jr., is a martial arts teacher in Indiana and is presumably Sifu's secret lover. He was trained directly by Sifu and also reached enlightenment after a brief stint in both the WWE and UFC. He is a tattoo artist without a liscense, despite what he tells you. Surprisingly, he is a ladies' man, but all of his "bitches" are probably crack/meth addicts. He is a confirmed Satanist. Life Story Benjamin "B.J." Lawrence was born in Shiyan, China at a Buddhist monastery, where Bruce Lee taught him martial arts and chi manipulation. Benjamin then moved to the cornfields of Indiana as a teenager and worked at McDonald's with Jacob's mom, who was preggers with Jacob at the time. He took the name "B.J." to avoid the government testing his chi powers. Eventually, he came out to the world as an extremely powerful martial artist and opened his first martial arts school. Some time between working at McDonald's and opening up the school, he got a doctorate in some unknown field and became a 10th degree black belt in almost every form of martial arts, becoming both a Sifu and a Guru. These credentials are totally not fake. He lived with Jacob's dad for a couple of years, and this is how Jacob met Sifu. Jacob and Cory then discovered his website about three years before the Oddcast and watched him slap some bricks and meditate. He then began a rap career, using the name "Sifu." He mostly raps about having sex with his morbidly obese wife, with whom he opened 6 Set Productions and Interceptive Techniques in Greenfield, Indiana. Phil "So Faded" Jones Jr. was born in Florida, despite being in school with Cory's mom since Kindergarten in the cornfields of Indiana. His father left and he had to move to Indiana. He still wants to reach out to his father and "just be friends," although it may be friends with benefits. Some time after "graduating" (barely passing his high-school equivalency test), he unified the WWE Championship and UFC Extra-Heavyweight Championship. After retiring, since he pretty much had nothing left to accomplish in the world of MMA and wrestling, he embarked on a rap career as So Faded. He was signed by 6 Set Productions shortly after beginning his career. While under 6 Set Productions, he released a mixtape (that is now impossible to find) that featured tracks discussing making money, missing his father, obtaining "yo bitch's digits," wanting to see his father again, beating people up, needing a father figure in his life, smoking weed, growing up without a father, getting drunk, and being raised by a single mother. Oddcast Jacob and Cory discussed Sifu and So Faded in the episode "Saint Asonia, Sifu, and So Faded." In the episode "Cody The Retard Returns," Cody The Retard disses Sifu and So Faded calling them a "boy band" and criticizing them for using auto-tune and not signing him to 6 Set Productions. He also called Sifu "Seafood," which was hilarious. He called So Faded and Sifu's wife fat, and claimed that he had sex with So Faded's mother. Shortly afterwards, he took the beef to Facebook where Sifu's wife responded and that was the end of that. Between that episode and the move to YouTube, So Faded ended his rapping career after it was revealed that he gave people tattoos without a license. Sifu removed all of he and So Faded's rap videos on YouTube, presumably to focus on teaching martial arts without a license. 6 Set Productions is still active, though it seems like Sifu has scaled back his involvement. Sifu recently vandalized this wiki, using the username Sifuguruuu, proving that he's a petty little faggot. He will be allowed to contribute to this wiki again in December of 2115. They most recently murdered Cody The Retard in cold blood using nothing but chi in a drive-by Kamehameha attack. Trivia 1. Sifu and Jacob's deadbeat dad lived together for a couple of years, where Jacob's dad learned how to manipulate chi and use it to raise his other children. 2. So Faded's dad left him. 3. Sifu is a notorious scam artist, charging $100 to make a music video and $50 to do an album cover for you. They're absolute shit. Don't waste your money. Also, his credentials as a martial artist are false. 4. So Faded tried to mooch off of Cory's parents once, but they're not retarded. 5. Sifu has kids. Seriously. 6. So Faded has kids. Seriously. 7. Sifu was on the cover of Black Belt Magazine. 8. So Faded stole Jacob's Wrestlemania III DVD that he left under his seat at an independent wrestling show. 9. Sifu's wife funds all of his (failed) endeavors. She's actually a pretty hardworking and nice lady. 10. Sifu and So Faded had a "concert" at a public park. Five people showed up. One was Nate, Sifu's secret lover and long-time "roommate," and Gloria, Sifu's wife. The rest were So Faded's kids. 11. Their martial arts dojo in the middle of the Cornfields of Indiana is likely operates without adequate certification. However, my lawyer has told me that making a declarative statement in a "Trivia" section of our wiki leaves us open to a libel suit. However, in the actual article, such a statement is satirical in nature and therefore not vulnerable to a libel suit. In short, I can only speculate. Despite their allegedly dubious practices, they have a following of faggots like Cory222 who buy in to their alleged bullshit and vandalize any dissenting opinion, allegedly. Category:Retards Category:Adversaries Category:Browse